Feet on the gas...

Is what I have. J^2 and I just started talking again on Sunday, and I act like we are getting married or some ish. He's just coming to visit. Here's a picture of someone, that reminds me of him...

A little bit anyway.

"You makin money,
Keepin me comfy,
I wish you could see,
You are all I need,
I just need my guy,
Lost what's on my side,
Ladders we can climb,
That's what it is babe,
I'm in this for you,
Take a train or drive
We don't need no ride,
Flashy aint my style,
That's what it is babe,
I'm in this for you..."

Lyrics from my favorite song on the Chrisette Michele CD, I'm in this for you is the name of the track.

Real Talk...

So, we actually had a conversation where he was keeping it real with me. Not that I think he's a liar, but he makes it seem like he hasn't met anyone in all of the time that we've known each other. We've only talked off and on for about 18 months. So finally, last night, I was just like, I'm not crazy, I know you've talked to some other women since you've met me. First of all, we don't talk all of the time, and second of all, you are a man, and you are a 16 hour drive away, I know you have. So finally, he says, I mean, I've met people, but I don't have the time to put in like they want, and I'm not willing to if I'm not feeling them like that.

That opened up a whole can of worms. Because, that's why we stopped talking twice before. I just told him, my issue is always that he's not willing to sacrifice. And he gave all of these excuses about why he didn't wake up and answer the phone and what not. And I'm like, I don't expect you to just wake up and answer the phone, but if you KNOW that I'm going to call you around, say 4 everyday, turn your phone up, or just be up when I call. So we went back and forth. Basically what it came down is that he said the doesn't not answer his phone intentionally, and I say I understand that, my problem is that you don't make it a point to answer it.

Anywho, I'm excited about him coming in a few weeks. I'm not sure what to expect, but we'll see. I feel much better about the situation now that I have what I expect on the table.

We had a volleyball game yesterday. Well, JV and Varsity had a volleyball game yesterday, my team doesn't play until next Thursday. JV won in 3, and Varsity lost. The head coach be messing with the JV coach all of the time. He and I work together, so we talk all of the time, and some of the stuff he says to her, I just can't see her saying to me. I definitely think she knows who to mess with. This is something minor, but at the game yesterday, he wore black pants, but all of the other coaches wore tan (we all have the same shirts), she tells him, oh, you should have worn tan pants, I don't like the black. Now, his teams record is 2 - 0, her teams record is 0 -12. I don't see where tan pants even come into play. She is this whyt chick that thinks she knows more about black people than I do. I've told her, you can't tell me more about my race than I already know. I don't claim to know everything about everyone that is black, but she claims all of these things about the children are because they are black, or African American as she says. They think they can't play volleyball, they have attitudes, they can't get rides to practice. The list just goes on and on. I've tried to talk to her in a civilized manner, but her ears don't work. So I'm going to have to snap off on baby girl before it's all said and done. I'm trying to avoid that though, but we'll see.

Artists...

I really like Chrisette Michele and Amy Winehouse. Any has some serious issues, I will admit, but I love her music. Chrisette is probably my favorite artist right now. I like all of the songs on her album, and I love her voice.

Reality

So, I knew J^2 wasn't coming here just to visit me. He is coming to see his grandfather. Which I am fine with. But it also leads me to believe that he only called me because he is coming here. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I don't know if I should care or what. The fact is, he is coming, and he does want to spend time with me. It's not the fairy tale situation that I had going on in my mind, but who cares? Well, it's been going through my mind that maybe he has some ulterior motive. What that is or could be, I don't know. "Is he using me just to have somewhere to stay?" Possibly, but he has family here, so it's not that deep. "Does he think I'm going to let him use my car?" He might, but that's not going down, so nothing to worry about there. "Is he just looking to get a treat?" Possibly, but then I could get a treat too! I drive myself crazy sometimes. But I'm just not going to stress about it. I am going to let him stay with me, and whatever happens while he's here happens. I don't know what he has going on in Texas, but I can't worry about that either. If he is pulling the wool over my eyes, it will come out eventually.

I do this thing...

When I'm dating/talking to,or whatever you call it, someone that I like, I get a little crazy. Maybe crazy isn't the word, overbearing, that sounds better. I get a little overbearing. Let me explain, I think about the person all of the time (assuming I'm really into him), and therefore, I expect that he is thinking about me all of the time. So I have these unrealistic expectations, that if they aren't met, I get an attitude. For instance, J^2 asked me to see how much tickets were for him to come here in a couple of weeks, and I did, and I texted him the information. He tried calling me back, but no cell phones at work. So I sent him a message to call me at work. Either he didn't, or he called and I wasn't at my desk. Now I'm like, is he not thinking about me? Does he have a girlfriend and that's who he's with and that's why he's not calling me? Well, if he had a normal schedule, this might make sense. But let me give you this mans day to day. He goes to work at 10 p.m., gets off at 6 a.m., goes to school somewhere in there and gets home around 12:30. I assume he has to do homework/study sometime. He then goes to sleep, and repeats. My rational side is saying, give the man a break, he's probably exhausted. He has to make time to eat and do housework, and all of the other things that normal people do. I seriously need to get a grip!

Hmmm...

So, my sister is living with me right now, and before we moved into the house, she said that she was going to give me 400 a month. So I said cool, I let her come up with the amount, and that's what she said. So, we've been living there for about 5 weeks, and she hasn't given me a dime. And I don't know if I want to mention it to her, or just ride it out. I mean, clearly she knows that bills are coming in, she's an adult, hell, she's 11 years older than me. I'm at a point where I could really use that money though. I don't want to cause any unnecessary drama, or make things weird, but it's coming to a head, and I think I'm going to have to mention something.

Can it be?

Well, I talked to J^2 yesterday, and it just so effortless. He asked me to look up the price of tickets today for him, and I did. I'm trying not to get too excited, because if I get disappointed, I get an attitude. I guess with him it just seems like things go too smoothly. I don't know, I'm nervous. I'm scared to let go, but at the same time I'm scared not to. I seriously think that he wants to be with me, but I don't want to be a fool either. I'm just going to go with the flow and see where it takes me!

I helped a lady with her Algebra homework yesterday, and it took 3 hours. So, I didn't have practice, but I was busy anyway. That's the breaks I guess. I don't mind helping people, but she waited until the last minute. I'll probably help her on the weekends though. I actually enjoyed it.

My stepdad came and cut my grass for me yesterday, thank goodness, because I don't want to buy a lawn mower right now.

Mildly funny...

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My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was and I told him, "62." He was quiet for a moment and then asked, "Did you start at 1?"

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After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was THAT?"

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A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire, it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods." The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

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My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo while I asked, "No, how are we alike?" "You're both old," he replied.

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A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story. "What's it about?" he asked. "I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

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I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last she headed for the door saying sagely, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!"

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When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use, Grandpa. The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

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When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised. "Mine says I'm four to six."

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"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote, "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young boy confidently. "It means carrying a child."

Can't get him off my mind...

So, the guy in Texas, we'll call him J-squared, has been heavy on my mind. I mean, the chemistry is so great I just feel like it can't be real. Like he's just playing with my head, or that he has some hidden agenda with me. I try to just let go and play it out, but I won't allow myself to. I mean, he's never given me a reason to believe that he has something up his sleeve, but I still feel like that. What's a girl to do...

Weekend...

On Friday, CD and I went to a golf party and then to the Legion. I would say the average age of the men at this party was about 45. That said, I did have a good time, but nothing too exciting went on. I didn't get home until 3 and I had to be at practice at 10. Needless to say, I was very tired on Saturday. After practice, I went out to eat, and to the movies. I went to see The Bourne Ultimatum, very good movie. I basically fell asleep as soon as I got home from the movie, 10 o'clock.

On Sunday I pulled weeds, a lot of weeds, and then took my niece shopping. She has clueless parents, and I don't like for the kids to go without because their parents are clueless. So my mother and I bought her some clothes. She lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 other kids, and two adults. My brother claims that he is trying to get custody, but I don't believe it. So, I need to do what I can for her.

Last night, I got a call from a guy in Texas that I've talked to off and on for about 2 years. He and I have amazing chemistry, but we are 16 hours away from one another. I am very impatient, so we tend to get into it sometimes. He's nothing like any guy I would ever call my type, but I like him more than I can even describe. I haven't seen him in 2 years, but just hearing his voice does something to me. He says he's coming here in about 3 weeks, but I don't want to get excited about it. That, and I haven't talked to him in a couple of months, so we'll see.

Start off right...

So JV had their first game yesterday, and they won, yay!!!! Varsity still hasn't won a match this season. But they are getting better.

I'm a little nervous about my first game. I believe it's on September 6th, but I'm looking forward to it. The girls are very nervous as well, so I keep it together in front of them. This is the first time I've been the actual coach of a team, I've been an assistant before. I'm sure everything will be fine, but I'm still nervous.

My free time is very minute, so I have a yard full of weeds, and no time to pull them up. So I guess that's what I'll be doing pretty much all day on Saturday. Doesn't that sound exciting:
"What did you do this weekend?" "Oh, on Saturday I went to volleyball practice, and then I was either bent over or on my hands and knees all day. Doing what you ask? Picking weeds. Then I put grass seed down, and watered the grass." Not only does it sound boring, it sounds like my back is going to be sore. Ah, I can't wait.

I can speak for myself...

So, I get to volleyball practice yesterday, and there's no net for my team to practice on. And on top of that, the assistant let's me know that the girls were giving her a lot of attitude when I wasn't there. So, I ask where the principal is, because I just want to talk with him about my concern. We have a team and we don't have the equipment that we need in order for them to learn the game. He's not in his office, the Vice Principal isn't in his office either. So the athletic director was right there, so I tell her. I guess she thought I was going to tell on her, and I wasn't, I understand that she probably can't do anything either. Well she calls the head coach into her office and tells her that we need to follow the proper protocol when we have a problem. Well, if I have a concern that needs to be addressed, I'm not going through a middle man, if I have something to say, I'm going to say it. Especially to people who I have a good repertoire with. I talk to the principal and vp enough for them to understand where I'm coming from, so whenever I see them, I will be talking to them. No to tell, but if our concerns aren't being voiced, then no one is going to care. We are just going to be sitting around complaining forever.

So after practice, 2 of the other coaches and I went to Subway. Then we went and played volleyball, so again, I didn't get home until around 11. But it was good. I can always use a workout and it helped me to calm down.

Anti-Customer Service

It seems like since I moved into my house, I haven't been able to get decent customer service, from anywhere that services people.

I called National Serv-All to get my trash pickup started, then I found out that if you go through the city, it's cheaper, and recycling is free, so the only logical thing to do is go through the city. So I call the city and get all setup. So when I call NSA back, they ask why I'm canceling, and I tell them because I'm going through the city. They say, "You can't go through the city, you live outside the city limits." So I'm thinking, she doesn't know what she's talking about, I just called and got setup. Got a reference number and everything. But I think about for a little while, and I'm like, damn, I am outside the city limits, let me call and verify, I have city utilities, so I'm still thinking that I'm cool. Well, I speak with a different woman, and she says, ma'am, we don't have trash setup for you. So I tell her, well, I just called and the woman that I spoke with not only told me I could get it, she gave me a reference number, and told me when my garbage cans would be delivered. She says, you must've called 311. I'm like what the hell is 311, I called the same number this time, that I called last time. So by this time I'm just mad, I get off the phone with the incompetent city workers, and call NSA back and get setup with them. Well, two days later, there's a garbage can in my driveway, and can you guess who it's from, the city, who doesn't have me setup for trash and who won't even collect my trash because I'm outside the city limits. I haven't decided what I'm going to do about it. I know have three big ass trash cans in my garage. I can't imagine that I will even come close to filling up two, let alone three.

So once I moved, I called Verizon to have my DSL switched to my new house. Well, I can get FiOS now, so I request that. But because I had DSL at my apartment, I have to switch the DSL over, then upgrade to FiOS so that I don't have to pay a cancellation fee for the DSL. The most crazy thing I've ever heard, but whatever. My DSL was supposed to be turned on by August 18th. It is now August 22nd, and still no DSL. I went to the Verizon website, and wrote an email. So they send me a confirmation email telling me that someone will try to get in touch with me in one business day. I sent the email one day last week, let's say Friday just to be safe. It is now Wednesday, and still no one has gotten back to me. I go online, to check the status, it can't be found. It's good to see that they really care. Sweet!! But I'm locked in with them until at least January. I'm not sure what I'm going to do, because the cable company is equally on my bad side.

I had some friends from out of town here a couple of weeks ago, and we rented some movies from Blockbuster. They left on the Sunday of that week, so I took the movies back that day, because I knew I would forget otherwise. So I get a call yesterday, a week later saying that I still have one of the movies out and if I don't bring it back, they are going to charge my account for the movie. So I called the store, and they say they are going to go out on the floor and look for it. They can't find it. So now I'm doubting myself like could I have forgotten it. No, because the movie in question is the one that I had to take out of the DVD player to take back. And on top of that, the case was messed up, so I took the movies inside, and told the person working behind the counter, that the movie moves around in the case, and he told me that he would put it in a new one. So I tell the manager on duty this information, and she says well we'll look for it, but if we can't find it, there's nothing we can do. Bullsh*t I'm thinking. I'm not paying for a movie that I don't have, and that I know I brought back.

So I'm frustrated with people right now.

Volleyball...

So, I began playing volleyball back in middle school. The coach saw me the hallway, and I was taller than most of the other girls in my 6th grade class, so he asked me to tryout for the team. So I did. And ever since then, I have loved the game. I began playing (club, volleyball AAU), and what not. I went on to be the only freshman and sophomore playing on varsity. I mean I actually played, I didn't sit the bench, at all. Then we moved, and the school that I was going to wasn't very good in volleyball. So I didn't play. I kind of regret that, but that was long ago. I played for a year and a half when I was in college, but I went to a division 3 school, so it wasn't anything to rigorous.

Well now, I'm coaching volleyball, at the high school that I graduated from, yeah, the one that I didn't play volleyball at. Well, the head coach over there, is a mess. She thinks that she knows so much about black people, it's really ridiculous. For instance, varsity had a game yesterday, and they started off really well, then they made a few mistakes, and got down on themselves. Instead of her saying that, she says that the girls go out on the court with negative attitudes because every thinks that volleyball isn't for black people. I just don't get it. Anytime there's an issue or whatever, she blames it on race versus attitude, maybe home life. Who knows why she thinks the way that she does. But it's beginning to piss me off. I'm the Freshmen coach, and two of my girls were going to be late to the game, she never told me. The girls told me, and then I had to go and ask her about it.

Random...

This was a pretty good weekend. On Friday evening, I was supposed to go to a free outdoor concert, but I didn't get out of practice until 7, and it ended at 8:30, so I didn't go. But I went with LaDonna so she could get some ice cream with a gift certificate that she had. That was about all.

On Saturday, I went to the BMV to get my address changed, which ended up being a headache. After that, I went to Babies 'R' Us with ES to help her register. We ate a Panera which was delicious. Then, I went to lake with CD, a lady that I coach with. I didn't feel like going at first, but I'm glad I went. I met some older, successful people. It was a good time.

On Sunday, I cooked dinner for my entire family. My family here in Fort Wayne anyway. It was so much fun. I made Salmon (baked, broiled, and pan seared), baked potatoes, corn on the cob, steamed broccoli, and fried chicken for the kids. It was successful!! My sister made a cake and my brother and his girlfriend brought some cake. My bff LaDonna was there too!!

I wrote my dad a letter today. I hope to send it off tomorrow, I left his address at home. I don't know how he's going to feel about it. I got some things off of my chest. But if he doesn't write me back, oh-well.

My stepdad put my vertical blinds up for me yesterday at the patio door. And I love him, and I appreciate all that he does for me. But a lot of times, when he does stuff, he messes it up. For instance, when he put the lights up in the guest bedrooms, he did something where it would blow a fuse each time that the light was turned on. When he put my vertical blinds up, he broke something and of them won't open or close all of the way. Well, first he didn't read the directions, so they would open at all, then he told me something was wrong with them. So I read the directions, and we take them down and put them back up the right way.

All the walls in my house are white, I have to paint them, and soon, because I am going crazy looking at all of these white walls. I thought that I would want to wait a little longer, but I don't think so. I'm going to tackle the master bathroom first.

A lot going on...

There has been a lot going on with me for the past month and a half or so. My grandmother was in the hospital, we went to St. Louis, then she passed about 2 weeks ago. I am going to miss her more than I can put into words. I definitely took her being here for granted, but there's nothing I can do about it now. I finally moved into my house, I love it, but I haven't had a chance to really enjoy it. A couple of my friends came to visit this past weekend, it was fun, but still, no time to really relax. Volleyball started, so we have practice everyday, until 8 p.m. So by the time I leave the gym and get home, it's 9 p.m. at the earliest. Things are slowing down now.